Days 20 - 26 (Bad blogger...)

So I have been an extremely bad blogger. Haven't blogged for nearly a week. I suck at this game! 

So here we go...massive blog post to catch up! :D

Day 20 – This month

This month has been a bit of a weird one. I moved out on a short term basis...for the sake of my sanity. It was a nice lil flat, I actually really liked it. Only problem was the price (because it was short term) so I ended up coming back home 10 days earlier than planned. 

When I get back from the States I plan on moving into my own place as soon as I can. 

This month was also my sisters 18th Birthday, Beccas visit and one month until I see my Codaniel again!

Day 21 – Another moment

Winning the Christmas pod decorating competition! 

At work there is a tradition where each lil pod of desks (each team) decorates them for Christmas and then theres a judging competetion. Me being the over the top, over-excitable person that I am, I was well excited about it. Especially as my team told me they never normally have time to plan anything and dont do much. 

So I had been planning ideas since September and the idea everyone liked was "Return to Sender". Because our team received a lot of returned mail and it was Christmas No 1 in 1962 (theres the Christmassy theme) we performed and everything!

I was really hoping we would win, although competition was fierce....and we did! Albeit a joint victory with the team that performed "The Nutcracker" but that was fair, as they'd won 2 years running and really wanted the hat trick.

Oh yeah and the prize? The wonderful paper mache turkey! 

Day 22 – This upsets me

Many things upset me. From the trivial (like soppy movies) to the big. I think the things that upset me the most is when my faith in things is challenged. I have great faith in the people I love. In how much I'd like to think they love and care about me in return. Especially with the people I have invested so much into. 

And to be a part of situations where you learn they perhaps didnt care as much as you thought they did truly upsets me. Realising they dont know you at all, dont value your thoughts or opinions or worse - feelings. Sometimes feeling like they dont even respect you as a human being 

I've been in this situation with "friends", friends, family, partners - you name it. And it hurts. It truly does. But then maybe this is the outcome of thinking the ones you love can do no wrong. Although at the same time theres a big difference between doing "no wrong" and disregarding you entirely. 

Day 23 – This makes me feel better

When your faith in humanity is then restored. Comments from a stranger, a loved one redeeming themselves. But most of all - hearing someone who truly loves me telling me they wish I didnt have to go through that. 

Hugs make me feel better too. I truly believe there is no problem in the world that cant begin to be solved by someone holding you. I think its because we revert to childhood a little bit. When a scraped knee or a lost toy could be made better with a cuddle. Being wrapped in someones arms makes us feel safe and loved. Secure - completely safe from the outside world. 

Its also the human contact thing. Makes us feel much less alone. 

This is why I love the "Free Hugs" campaign. I'd quite like to take part in one of those myself one day. 

Day 24 – This makes me cry

See Day 22....

Day 25 – A first

Hmmm...

My first job. I worked in Greggs. Greggs for those of you not in the UK is a chain of bakers. They sell sandwiches, pasties, cakes, donughts etc. And they're actually very cheap. Very "working class staple" :D

My friend Karen got me the job - bless her, I'm always greatful to her for that. We were only 6, both at college and wanting to eearn our extra money. It may've only been a Saturday job but I worked hard - proud to be earning my own money. I picked up extra shifts whenever I could fit it in around my college schedule. 

The first store I worked in with Karen was SO busy and run by right battle-axes. After a few months there I transferred to a different store. Further to travel for work but it was so worth it. The staff were lovely, my manager was an angel and I had so much fun working there. I was sad to leave, when I entered the word of fundraising. My manager tried to get me to stay, saying she could get me an assistant managers job and I could progress to manager really quickly. 

That was a big opportunity at age 18 but I decided I didnt want to be in retail my whole life. I needed a change. Maybe the managerial experience would've been beneficial but I made my choice. 

Day 26 – My fears

Fears. Actual phobias include needles, hospitals and doctors in general. I cant stand them! It stems primarily from having my first shot (in memory) at about age 7. It was a bit scary - as shots are to 7 year olds, but I got through it. However after I got back to my classroom (it was at school...and boy was our school nurse evil!) I started feeling really ill and ended up fainting in my teachers lap! 

I dont know if it was because of the injection, if I was ill or overheated or what. But since then I associate the two and its terrifying. I hate fainting. I've fainted more times than I can count in my lifetime! 

Although I'm getting better, I nearly passed out on the train the other day because I'd been ill and then was really overheated on the crowded commuter train. But I refused, point blank, and I managed not to. 

Still doesnt stop me hating needles though! I better get over it soon. Apparently if I move to the States I need to have somewhere close to 20 different inoculations! *Shudders*

Day 19 – This I regret

Just like Robbie taught us I try to have no regrets. 

We all make mistakes. We're only human. What is important is how we learn from those mistakes.

In terms of myself and my personal development I could regret a lot of things. I could regret not going to uni, not learning how to drive at 16, not having moved into my own place properly. etc etc

But for each of these things that I could regret there are good things - or at least reasons - that have come out of them. 

I think the only regrets I can truly say I have is for the way I have treated some people. Unfairly, often harshly and more often than not because I was being extremely selfish. Very often in affairs of the heart. I could say I was young and stupid and whilst that may hold some sway, on the whole I'm an intelligent girl and I should've known better. 

I often think there's no changing the past. Maybe there is. Maybe the boy who's heart I no doubt broke because I went after something "better" (read as: More attainable, he wasnt half way across the country) could feel a sense of peace if I found his address in an old diary and wrote to him to apologise. Maybe you should let sleeping dogs lie? Who knows. 

All I know is that the things I have done wrong...and for the things I will no doubt continue to do wrong (hey - I am only human!) I hope I will learn from them, move forward and try and prevent myself having those same regrets again.

And then the only thing I could ever truly regret is not having learnt from my mistakes.

Day 18 – My favorite birthday

My favourite birthday..

I think my favourite overall birthday would have been my last birthday, my 23rd and the first one spent with Codaniel.

Before my birthday me and Megs had a joint birthday celebration in Chicago which was the MOST fun ever! Can we say Penthouse at the hotel? Getting seated straight away after being told a 90minute wait at Cheesecake factory, wonderful lazy loungy days watching The Notebook and eating lots of junk food - fun times!

And then my actual birthday was spent in Fort Collins with my baby. The best part of the day for me was the very beginning - right around midnight. We spent a wonderful time together, working on our song and he gave me my necklace which I adore.

And I'm really looking forward to my next birthday which will again be with him. What more could I ask for? :)

(Sun 19th) Day 17 – My favorite memory

Hmm thats really tough. Generally speaking my memory sucks. This is why I take so many pictures!

It totally depends on who I'm with, I have lots of special memories with everyone I care about.

Generally speaking its the little things that I love the most. A random joke and giggling until you cant breath, impromptu cuddle with my sister watching a girly movie, staring contentedly into Codaniel's eyes, talking about nothing in particular.

I love how the random memories come back when your least expecting it. Having a chat with a friend and you suddenly go "Remember the time when..." and it results in more hysterical laughter!

So heres to creating many more memories! :D

Day 16 – My first kiss

Ah. Unlike so many other firsts this I remember in all its uncomfortable glory.

I want to tell the full story but then too many people will know exactly who it was and I feel thats just not fair as some people I know may still know him.

But it was awful. We were on a date that was already a disaster, he turns up out of no where and we went and sat somewhere kinda private, leaned in and we started kissing. And then there was just so much...salivia! It was not pleasant to say the least.

Ok, to make this a more positive and uplifting blog post I'm going to talk about my first kiss with Codaniel because THAT was amazing!

We'd had a good...3 month build up or so for our relatiionship.

I got to the hotel earlier than expected and unpacked in 5 minutes flat. Rechanged outfit, redid hair and makeup, decided to sit ON the table as opposed to a bed or a chair (it was logical at the time I was so nervous) then I actually heard him outside before he knocked.

I ran to the door and had a peek through the spyhole. He looked so amazing. He was wearing his leather jacket and running his hand through his hair like he's from the 50's or something! 

I flew open the door and we just kinda stared at each other for a sec, dumbstruck. Then there was a really anti-climatic but super sweet sharing of "Hi". He looked at me, told me "You are so beautiful" and we just sort of fell into each other. It was really sweet because it wasnt a crazy "I have to have you now" kiss it was a "we've both been waiting for this for so long" kiss. 

*SIgh* Still makes me smile hugely thinking about it :)

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And to top it all off she gives away free stuff on her blog! :D

So if you want to win some fabulous beauty goodies have a look at her blog here http://gosh-makeup.blogspot.com/2010/12/1-yr-anniversary-giveaway.html

Even if you dont enter the giveaway, definitely follow her blog for lots off great advice.

Day 15 – My dreams

So here we are, halfway point. Time to stop and reflect on my dreams.

My biggest dream...to be happy. Thats all I've ever wanted. To be happy with the family and home that I have created, thats mine.

See, deep down one of my biggest dreams (and I can hear everyone I've ever worked with groaning in unison)...is to run a happy home.

I love looking after people, and nothing gives me greater pleasure than to look after those I love. My husband, my kids - thats what I want.

Now dont get my misinterpretted here. I'm not saying I necessarily want to be Suzie homemaker. I like to keep things neat and organised but I'm not a clean freak. And hello...have you seen my cooking? I burn salad!
And as for the cookies in this picture...they were inedible let me promise you! :D

And I'm too independent and get bored too easily to not have other stuff going on. Volunteering, a small from home business - whatever it is I know I'd need some other stuff going on as well. But basically, I know I wont need more than my family to make me happy in life.

So there it is. My biggest dream. A home with enough space to live in, additional side interests, my loving husband and a few kids.

OK...I'll head on back to 50's Suburbia now....Honey, I'm ho-ome!

(Thurs 16th) Day 14 – What was I wearing today?

Christmas party! Work Christmas party - Hoorah for Hollywood!

I did want to go in costume, like so many other people did. But I didnt have the time (or the budget) to put something together.

I was going to wear my Hollywood t-shirt that I got in Hollywood, a skirt and socks with red stars that I was going to write stars names on - walk of fame style. But the socks were really cheap and looked awful on..the stars wernt stars! So I gave up on that idea.

In the end my whole team all went in fancy dresses, general Red Carpet style so I went with my standard lil' black dress.

Which in the end, especially with the other girls on the team looking fabulous, we all looked pretty darn good if I do say so myself!

(Wed 15th) Day 13 – This week

Well this week has been a bit of a funny one.

I moved back home after having my own place for a little while. It was only short term in the first place, until Christmas (because then I'm going back to the States in Jan) but I sat down and thought about it. Returned to my practical aspect and weighed up my sanity for the next 2 weeks over having the extra money to spend with my Snowflake.

Codaniel won As he pretty much always will = )

On a happier note this week I spent time with Becca. We had a lovely relaxing weekend. She'd been working really hard in the States and deserved a weekend of lounging. We also went to see the b.e.a.u-ti-ful Johnny Flynn with the fantabulous Vicky which was AWESOME fun! Even if we did get lost following the little blue dot...

Soooo yeah thats about the gist of my week.

Day 12 – In my handbag

In my handbag...there is a whole muss of stuff!

Filofax - although now I seem to be moving more towards my iPhone calender. I love pen and paper but it doesnt beep at me when I'm about to forget whatever I'm doing! :D

My "emergency kit" something I've had since I was about 14. Bare essentials - tissues, womens products, pain killers plasters, hair tie, grips, basic makeup, lipbalm, handcream etc. I dont carry a ton of makeup around with me because I'd rather have tissues and painkillers to hand than a spare lippy!

Notebook and pen - again I have the iPhone but sometimes nothing beats actually writing something down.

My camera. I'm very rarely without my camera. So much so I've been nicknames "Papparazo"! However I very much understand a girls need to vet all photos as soon as they're taken. I just like to have the memories, and not just of the big and important events - every day stuff too.

Purse, keys, phone, headphones, travelcard etc

Ummm I'm not too sure what else. If I'm heading to work generally my packed lunch.

Nothing that interesting in my bag to be honest.

Day 11 – My siblings

I have just the one Sibling. My lil Sister, Jessica. She just turned 18. I can still hardly believe it!

I look at photos of us when we were tiny and remember things like they happened yesterday.

I remember I was so excited to be the big sister. I wanted nothing more than to look after her, be her best friend and we'd always be there for each other.

Wasn't always quite the way it worked out. I got the feeling I wasn't quite trusted with her. The first time I got to hold her I had to be way back on the couch absolutely surrounded by pillows.

I don't know if we quite have that "best friend" relationship...although as I said a few posts back I don't really believe in the "best friends" thing anymore - since I grew up!

I do wish we were closer. I mean don't get me wrong, we have our moments. They just seem to be fewer and far between these days. We spend more time bickering and winding each other up than we do anything else.

I guess we've always just been in slightly different stages. As she got old enough to start playing with toys I was into complex make believe games. As she got into those, I started being more into pop music. As she got into that, I was a fully fledged teenager with the attitude to go with it. Then just as she started learning about boys and stuff I was a "grown up". I guess I thought that once we were both "adults" we'd get closer. Now at 23 and her at 18 I look back and realise how much I changed and learnt in the last 5 years (probably more than I did in the first 18!) and think maybe we still have a little way  to go for that theory to work.

Maybe once we're not under the same roof, driving each other crazy every second of the day it'll be better. We'll have real quality time. I hope so because in the good moments I know that I love my sister quite possibly more than anything on the planet. he's my baby sister. And if you think I'm defensive over my friends you wait until you see my reaction if someone hurts her.

Of course that can lead to over defensiveness sometimes and sticking my nose in where its not wanted (even if it is a case of "older sister knows best") But then the best way to learn is to learn the lessons for ourselves so I know I need to back out unless I'm asked for...as hard as that is sometimes, because my sister - like me - is not one to ask for help. (When it comes to the big stuff anyway)

Maybe we'll always be in slightly different life stages, never entirely on the same page. But we still have lots to offer each other. My sister can come out with some of the smartest things I've ever heard. Which is what cracks me up so much when she also comes out with some of the daftest! ("Your too purple")

I know this much though. However defensive I am of her, she is equally so of me, and to be honest - I'd be more scared of her. Whilst I go in all guns blazing, where at least you know what you'll be getting (a good punch in the face and knee to the groin in the least!) ,she's quieter, bides her time and you never quite know what shes up to!

And on that sinister note let me leave you with one of my fondest memories of us when we were little.

I was about 8 or 9 so she was about 3 or 4. I'd done some small thing to warrant my dad "punishing" me by taking my favourite toy and putting it way up high on a cabinet.

My tiny little sister tried to climb up to get it down for me, knowing that she'd get in worse trouble (and also not being anywhere close to reaching it bless her!) because she could see how upset I was. That always stayed with me - like little things like that that do.

   

Day 10 – Today I wore this

Good good! Nice easy one for when I'm so tired.

My basic uniform is one of jeans, t-shirt and trainers. Today was my comfy, dark blue, slightly flaired jeans, and my Mumfor and Sons top that I bought on my last visit up to Glasgow to see McBex,

Wow...thats probably going to be MY shortest entry!

Sleep well all - I know I will!

Day 09 – My faith

Hmm. I wouldn't say I have a "faith" per say.

Put simply I believe there is 'something' bigger than us. And that's as far as I got!

I'm not even entirely certain about the whole concept of God. That's not to say I don't think (S)He could exist. I've even been known to have a number of chats. I just think its the "name" I'm uncomfortable with. Maybe its all the connotations over the years. Maybe its that although I understand "personifying" makes it 'easier' and 'more real' for us "mere mortals" to understand I think for me it actually takes something away.

I've found myself frequently saying "The Universe" and I think that works for me. Maybe again because of the whole "something bigger than us" thing and the Universe is pretty freaking huge! But by that I mean "The force that is greater than us" - but that just sounds too Star Wars-y! :D

As a teenager the belief system that appealed to me most was Wicca/Paganism.  As most teenage girls are the 'magic' intrigued me but it was more than that. It was the whole belief that everything is connected, that what you put into the world will come back on you. (3 -fold is debatable in my opinion though) But definitely 'what goes around comes around.' To be honest the God/Goddess iconology and belief again didn't sit right and that's why I stopped reading more into it.

I'm definitely a big believer in fate. And that everything happens for a reason. It doesn't mean we shouldn't work hard. It doesn't mean we don't make choices. It definitely doesn't mean things will fall in our laps. What it means is that the choice we make will teach us a lesson we are meant to learn. And as I say things happen for reasons - even if we cant see them right then. When I first wanted out of my last job (about 6 months before I actually resigned) I was applying for a ton of jobs, had a few interviews - a couple of them I REALLY wanted, but didn't get them. At the time it was depressing and saddening but looking back...if I'd got that job, I would never have gone to America.

So even when things are looking REALLY shitty I do try and remind myself that everything happens for a reason.

When someone needs prayers or thoughts I try and think on it as sending positive energy towards them into the Universe. Sometimes I will literally verbalise that with a conversation with God/The Universe/The Fates etc etc. Same goes for if I  need it, or I need someone to be watched out for.

And I always say Thank You. Because at the end of the day if someone helps you out, or if your asking for their help...its only polite to thank them for it :)

PS: Oh my goodness...could I have used more of these? "..."???

Day 08 – One moment

"Give me ooooooonnnne moment in tiiiiiimmmmmeee...when I'm more than I thought I could be..."

Ok I'm knackered (its 4am and I have no voice left from talking and squeeing with Becca and Vicky. I'd like to talk about some big defining moment or something but I'm too tired to do that now...maybe will double post tomorrow.

For today my one moment (of many but this ones easy to type and slightly obscure!) was this:

Martin Lewis is the "Money Saving Expert" - independent financial advice thats always super helpful. I follow them on Facebook and this morning happened to see go by that today was their office xmas party.

Fast forward about 6 hours to me, Becca and Vicky hunting down a pub to eat in before the Johnny gig. I notice a printed sign saying "MSE Christmas Party upstairs". not only that - saw Martin Lewis about an hour later.

How excited over something relatively small was I? - Very is the answer!

Ok, I blogged today. It sucks and I will try better tomorrow but right now cant even keep my  eyes open and I'm impressed I got this far!

Day 07 – My best friend

Best friend huh? I wrote a whole blog post about friendship a little while ago actually.

Well until about 3 or 4 months ago I would've had a standard stock answer for this. Same as it had been for 9 years. Sadly things have changed lately and that is no longer my standard response. Maybe that's a good thing - who knows?

Since I was at school I havn't ever really done the "Best Friend" thing. Each relationship with each of my friends is unique and different. Each of them ebb and flow. Some I see a lot, some very rarely. But each of my true friends - and every single one of them knows who they are - are in my life for a reason. I think declaring just one person as your "Best Friend" results in a lot of anger and upset and heartache. Although likewise if you try and class all friendships (or all friendships within a certain group or circle) as the same

I would go through hell and high water for the people I love. My friends very much so. If you mess with me that's one thing - mess with my friends and bitch I WILL take you down! :D

Its funny that this blog subject is on the day that one of my very close friends is visiting. In a post on a forum about things I am thankful for recently, I said of Becca (whilst talking about my friends) "Especially my friend in Scotland who is my support system, my rock and my gig going bestie!"

I met Becca in the same place as I did Codaniel. Along with Megs I feel truly blessed to have found three special people in one place. In addition I have a number of other people met there who I am so happy to have come into my life and who I am proud to call my friends. My Lexlings are an amazing bunch!

My "Old School Girlies" are the girls I've known since we were about 5. Thats nearly 18 years there a piece and definitely not something to be sniffed at. We've been through a lot together. Including very definitly not being friends in certain periods. But I know that wherever life takes us -  America, Australia, Scotland - it doesnt matter, we'll always find tiime to go out for a meal, catch up and reminisce over old photos about the days of sleepovers at Karen's and making potions in my bedroom!

Brenda is another one of my oldest friend. We met at Brownies, we were very little. We were penpals for years, not realising we lived right around the corner from each other! We dont see each other very often but when we do we pick right up where we left off and I love that about our friendship.

I have a number of other people I am honoured and proud to have in my life. If I list everybody here it'll be a pretty long list. Which is something I realise I am very lucky to have.

Thank you to all of my friends, past and present - and to those I am maybe yet to meet.

One year!

Me musts double post because - one year ao today is when I started this blog and I couldnt not acknowledge that!

71 posts in a year. Thats pretty rubbish to be honest - but its more than 1 a week so I suppose its not too bad :)

Anyways - Happy Blogavarsary to me! hehe

Edit
Ahh darn it, cant believe I didnt post this until after Midnight! Gosh darn it....meh - what can you do? :D

Day 06 – My day

Woke up at 7:30am as usually to call my baby. Was unbelievingly tired and therefore completely uncomprehensible. I still have no idea what we talked about!

Went to work, worked right through until 8:30pm tonight to get extra hours and extra £££ for America :D

Lunch was a bit meh although the amazing chocolate milkshake from Marks and Spencer was phenomenal! Had good giggle with Louisa at the end of the day over Charlie, kittens and death metal. Needless to say people do wonder what on earth we're on about when we go off on our random tangents! 

Had one of those rare "Hey - we are still all human!" moments on the tube. A girl glanced over at the newspaper being read by the guy next  to her. She was clearly looking for the same article in her paper, but couldnt find it. She was getting visibly more and more confused and becoming less and less subtle, almost leaning straight over his arm to examine his paper! It was so funny I couldnt help but giggle to myself which she then noticed and was slightly embarrassed but giggled at being caught. In  the end she just asked him straight out (strangers talking to each other on the tube?! Unheard of!) and it turned out he actually had Mondays paper! 

Ok maybe this is a small and inane anecdote but it really made me giggle!

Came home and realised I really need to clean the house for McBex's visit. Not that either of us mind the house not being show-home-esq but at the same time day old dishes and no clean towels is a bit of an extreme for a guest. Sooo I instantly tidied up and then relaxed on the phone to my baby, online and watching TV.

I fib. I started a tiny but of cleaning, got distracted by calling Codaniel and now am faced with doing dishes at midnight.....and WHY am I still online?

*Heads off to clean....groan!*

Day 05 – What is love?

Hmmm. What a question! I dont think I'm qualified to answer...for myself let alone anyone else!



Maybe thats the joy of love - the fact that you cant explain it.



I've actually posted about this before but no-one responded so I didnt blog my views. Darn it now I guess I have to! :D



For me this is something I've found recently. Truly knowing love is when your first thought instantly goes to them before yourself. Any mother will tell you that I'm sure. Before any thoughts of yourself or decisions are made, you consider what is best for your child.



I think in a similar respect its kind of the same when your in love. I know if me and Codaniel are having an argument or disagreement, for the most part - even if I'm upset - I want him to be ok. I dont want to say anything deliberately hurtful, and without compromising myself, I just want to make sure his problems are solved.



I think love really is the million and one reasons you cant describe though. Who knows why we're drawn to each other. Maybe its nature, maybe its fate, maybe its luck, maybe its something we have no idea about. Whatever it is I know this much...



Love is dangerous, love is unfair, love is wondererous, love is painful, love is joyful, love is indescribable.



But ultimately love completes us. We need it to survive. Humans are sociable creatures, we need the love of our families, our friends, ourselves and in the end we all crave the love of a companion.



And I truly believe there is at least one person out there for everyone. And we will find them when the time is right. Whether that's 6, 16, 60 or 106! It doesn't matter. Because whether you love for a second or a lifetime. The important thing is that you do...without expecting anything in return.



That my final thought - Love is selfless.



(Looking for a picture, I found this quote/poem)

Day 04 – I ate this today

What a random subject to blog about...

I'm actually watching Ratatouille at the moment so maybe thats kinda appropriate!

Umm so here ya go:

Breakfast: Special K with red berries
Goodness knows how many cups of tea! (We're all tea-fiends in my office!)
Lunch: Ham sandwich and an apple
Snack: I asked Ralph to get  me something "Chocolate" I believe my exact words were "Something double, triple 'death by choclatey'" hehe!
Dinner: Toad in the hole

Oh yeah! Ironically I actually do have something interesting to blog about on this subject.

Marmite Chocolate.

Now Marmite for those of you that don't know is a sandwich spread. Its basically a yeast extract. They're slogan is "You either Love it or Hate it" and they're right! You should've seen people in America's reactions. The girls, like me, all loved it. The boys thought they'd been poisoned...

And yup thats basically the effect it has.

So combining it with chocolate is just...weird! There are no words to describe it. At first I thought I kinda liked it but then the marmite really kicked in with a strong aftertaste. As much as I love both, together its just WRONG.

So to add to that list, before I go to bed I'm going to have a Hazelnut hot chocolate.

Nom noms!

Day 3 - My Parents

My mum is my parent. Yeah I had my dad around for a good number of years but in all honesty I think we would've all been better off if he hadn't been.

People often think I judge my dad too harshly, telling me to "Give him another chance" I'm sure some people think I'm a hypocrite. But I don't dislike him because of his problems. I dislike him because he's not a nice person, he's selfish and self centred and his problems probably stemmed from that. Anyways enough time wasted on him.

My Mum and me have an up-down relationship. But ultimately we are very close. I think we'll be closer when I've moved out properly. Right now we're two big personalities in a small space, with 3 other big personalities! Doesn't help much :)

I jokingly refer to my mum as "The fix it lady" Seriously though she can mend anything! Theres always some bit of useful thing hanging around the house to stick something back together or make a costume for a party from scratch or goodness knows what else!

My mum is ultimatly very silly - she never really grew up which is great because I dont think me and my sister will either in that respect. It is sometimes quite annoying if your trying to have a serious conversation or if you need her to "be the adult" and shes acting like a silly teenager.

But like most girls with their mothers,  I love her to pieces and could never be without her :)

Day 2 - My first love

Hmmm. Now how do we define "First love"?

I believe every time we fall in love, its different.

Every love makes us feel differently.


The excitement of falling in love feels like its the first time. Therefore every love is the first.

So I'll give you a basic run down of all of my firsts.

My very first - chronologically was when I was in Nursery (about 4) and was called Anthony. He was my "boyfriend" and we would hold hands in the playground. Then by the time I got up to junior school, (about 7) he was in the year above me. And my best friend Kayleigh told me how much she liked him. I never had the heart to tell her I got there first! (Unless  of course your now reading this Kayleigh....sorry)

My first boyfriend where we actually called each other boyfriend and girlfriend - and even said "I love you" was Phillip. We were both in Junior school and he was a year older than me. We were about 9 and 10 and would play at each others houses and our parents would take us to the cinema and stuff. He was adorable! Then he moved away, I cant even remember where. I have some photos on my mums computer that I'll add later.


My first love as a teenager lasted all of a month or so. I was 15 and he was 16. (Me and older men...) At the time it seemed to be so much longer and much more intense than that, I look back now and think "wow it was only a month?".


My first love as an "adult" (well older teenager anyway) and the first that I define as intense enough to actually be "proper love" was unrequited. I probably shouldn't go into too much detail because even now I don't know how much he knows and I'd be mortified for it all to come out now. Although everyone else we knew, knew (I'm not exactly good at hiding my feelings) so he must've done. Anyway even when I was with my first (see below) I was still madly in love with this boy. And if I'm honest right up until a couple of years ago I always thought "What if...?"



My first love that I was actually in a relationship with was...meh. Lol, that sounds awful but I honestly dont have much more to say than that. All I can ever think is..."why?" They say women go for men like their dads. Hopefully that was the only one ever that vaguely resembled my father in personality!


My first as a "proper grown up" when I started learning life's lessons and more about myself was what I thought would be the one. We were SOO different and we thought we were each others yin and yang - we balanced each other out. Turns out we were just too different. The story as to why that one ended is far too long and complicated to put on a public blog.

There's a couple of others in there I may have thought I loved or was in love with but I probably wasn't. There's a couple I wish I hadn't been, but you cant change the past can you?

And finally - My first love that I finally feel I can be myself with. The one that honestly knows and understands me. Who wants to know me better than I know myself. Who despite 5000 miles is willing to show me each and every day how much he loves me and cares. The one that I really do feel right and complete with. That I know everything will be ok with. My Snowflake. I'm not very good at talking about how I feel without it sounding sappy so I'm just going to end by saying I truly hope he will be my last first love.

We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love is our first.

Day 1 - About me

Egh, I never know what to right about these things. I'll write them as they occur to me I suppose

Full name: Sarah Louise Goddard
Hometown: London baby!
Occupation: Charity fundraiser, Events Organiser, right now temping in a Supporter Care Team at a very large international charity.
Pets: Mitchell the cat in the UK, Jasper the kitten in the States
Significant Other: My Snowflake, Codaniel who currently resides in the States. We met on a forum over  a love of Twilight.
My family: Mum, Lil' Sister Jess, my nan and my aunt. That's about it...we're a small group!
Fav music: Ugh I totally suck at these things cos my taste is so varied. Right off the top of my head: Blue October, Queen, Johnny Flynn, Mumford and Sons aaaaannnnnd... SenorGimp :) hehe!

Fav movies: Basically all the ones I loved from my childhood! Labyrinth, Princess Bride, Land before Time and nearly all the Disney films. Back to the Future trilogy, Pirates of the Caribbean, Moulin Rouge, Titanic, Romeo and Juliet, Grease, Grease 2 - jeesh I could go on! :D


Fav books: I'm very disappointed that I dont read as much as I used to. But again heres a selection: Princess Bride, The Cat that came in from the cold, The time travellers wife, Narnia series, Harry Potter series, Twilight saga (although I dont know how much I could re-read it now though), Shakespeare, Animals of Farthing Wood, 1984, Animal Farm...that'll do for now!

Soooo I dont really know what else to say about me. I'm fairly savvy, intelligent enough, know my mind and how to speak it - but gaining the intelligence to know when, I'm pretty insightful and always enjoy being able to be there for someone else. I give a lot and will never begrudge it but it does sadden me when others then arnt there for me because I'll very rarely ask for help. I'm independent - more than capable of looking after myself (and anyone else that comes along to quote one of my fav characters!) but that doesnt mean I dont want to be taken care of.

I'm pretty upfront and honest so anything else you wanna know - just ask!

30 days...1 month (Starts tommorow)

So I will totally be stealing this idea from Honey's blog who in turn totally stole it from Ninna's! Oh well, thus is the point of Social Networking no?

So the idea is to post every day for 30 days with the following topics:

Day 01 - About me

Day 02 - My first love

Day 03 – My parents

Day 04 – I ate this today

Day 05 – What is love?

Day 06 – My day

Day 07 – My best friend

Day 08 – One moment

Day 09 – My faith

Day 10 – Today I wore this

Day 11 – My siblings

Day 12 – In my handbag

Day 13 – This week

Day 14 – What was I wearing today?

Day 15 – My dreams

Day 16 – My first kiss

Day 17 – My favorite memory

Day 18 – My favorite birthday

Day 19 – This I regret

Day 20 – This month

Day 21 – Another moment

Day 22 – This upsets me

Day 23 – This makes me feel better

Day 24 – This makes me cry

Day 25 – A first

Day 26 – My fears

Day 27 – My favorite place

Day 28 – This I miss

Day 29 – My ambitions

Day 30 – One last moment

I'm already looking at it wondering "What the frick am I gonna write about for THAT?" But we'll see what emerges! :D

And I'm going to start tomorrow as it is then exactly a month until I head back to Fort Collins. Well technically its 31 days but I probably wont have a chance to blog whilst travelling. 

So on to  current updates....

Its FREEZING in the UK at the moment. Snow and ice and of course the country (as always) has no idea how to cope with  it. Countries with snow 80% of the year operate just fine, we have a week or so of it and the UK shuts down. *facepalm*

There's no place like...

Over this weekend things all got a bit much at home. Lets just say 5 related women in one house = overally high running emotions. Coupled with the fact that I've been needing and craving my own space since I was knee high to a grasshopper meant enough was finally enough.

I have to say finding a short term lease, checking it out, moving in and still fitting in a 1/2 days work all in one day is fairly impressive...even if I do say it myself! *Blows nails and poofs hair*

Anyways, I quite like my lil bit of the universe that I can truly call my own...I've made it pretty homey. Its a tad cold (although I am used to living in a furnace and the temperature has plummeted this week) but other than that its nice. And with Virgin TV, wireless and all bills included one cant complain :)

So I'm here until Dec 23rd, home for Christmas and to prepare for the States and then I'm back to FoCo for 3 months again! And then when I come back I'll be looking at moving out properly.

So I've been feeling like a bit of a Nomad for the last year. I have a feeling its all leading somewhere good though. Somewhere over the rainbow...somewhere like home.

Hehe! :D

Girl time

So Saturday was Duvet Day with Marsha and Eni. It was awesome fun, we stuck on some Disney movies, ate lots of junk food, painted our nails. Generally had a 13 year old slumber party in the day! :D


It was really great, and definitly much needed all round from hard work and general lack of girl time.


And it got me thinking. No matter how old we get girls NEED their girls! I think what we dont realise though is that the dynamic changes.


Its no longer about meeting up every single day, shopping all day saturday and spending all of Sunday on the phone. Its much more focussed on the quality time. Setting tmie out of the hectic work schedule, family commitments etc and just enjoy spending time hanging out.


The subject matter for discussions may change, there may be a bottle of wine instead of a bottle of Dr Pepper but the need to gossip and giggle will always remain!


It also changes in terms of who your friends are I think, moving on a little bit, the following observations stem from discussions us three had whilst setting the worlds to rights :)


As teenagers, girls tend to have their close tight knit band of friends, the ones that everything is shared with and....more often than not...where all manner of stress arrises.


"Oh my god?! HOW could she do that?!"


"WHY did she tell you and not me?!"


"I'm not friends with so and so and I'm going to be really upset if you get coffee with her next weekend!"


etcetcetcdramadramadrama


As adults we begin to realise "Hey...this is MY life! I'm old enough (and ugly enough) to make my own desicions, learn from my mistakes and generally get on with it without it being up for a group debate"


We will ask for advice and support when its needed but it wont necessarily be a round robin free for all discussion. And our friends need to not be upset when we choose not to take their advice.

Its like at the end of Friends when they find out Monica and Chandler are moving and Joey says "Arnt we supposed to vote on things like this!?" ...No, because your an adult and whislt friends can and often are the most important thing in your life..they are not the ONLY thing.


I've also personally found that the "growing up" period affects us all differently. We learn different life lessons at different paces. We change and learn about ourselves at differnet times. We make differnet choices that changes our viewpoints. And this can lead to stresses because we're all going through differnet changes....not like puberty when the problems (dispite feeling like we're the only one they  affect) are all fairly similar.


The problems arise when it becomes difficult to see where the changes have emerged and not always accept that these might be for the better. Or when you can see changes in yourself but not in others.


Eni had a brilliant quote (paraphrased due to my rubbish memory!) "Being an adult is when you can be happy for your friends, even if it might upset you that things are changing"


For me the best example of that is my friends I went to infant and primary school. We drifted as a group after school but the key thing that brought us all back together was when Karen had the twins.


Friendships are ever changing things and that makes them hard. Sometimes everything happens for a reason though.

Pudsey ears!

Hello!


For those of you have forgotten - I'm Sarah, I write this blog...apparently.


Been absent for a while I know. Various reasons. But probably will be back now. Kinda.


Might go for a bit of an update with my photos and top banner, the idea was to update those regullarly - meh me is rubbish.


Anways onto random ramblings of the day.


Today is Children in Need. One of the two big telethons in the UK, raising money that then funds many much needed projects for many good causes around the country.


I'm such a bad fundraiser - I actually forgot it was today until I saw the Pudsey Bear at the station this morning! Pudsey Bear is the mascot. I'm actaully quite upset because he used to look like this

And now they've made him all computer generated. I dont like change! Especailly of beloved childhood characters!




Anyways. So tonight is a very long show, lots of appearences by celebrities etc. Doctor Who is normally a part of it, having a short 10 minute special. Of course it'll be stupid Matt bliming Smith not our beloved David Tennant though so I'm not excited about that.


I am very good at getting into the spirit though!


So if anyone needs me tonight you can find me being exceedingly lazy with a tub of Hagen Dazs and my telly. Ah - Bliss! :D