Monday, 18 June 2012

Homesickness (belated now non-relevant post)

So...I had a blog post on something quite emotional that I'd been wanting to write for a while. It was actually the one I'd written on my old iPhone and was very upset when it got wiped.

But now, when I actually have an inspirational moment to blog - the emotions have run their course and I'm basically kinda over it.

Nonetheless its been bugging me that I didnt get it out on my blog so I thought "sod it" and I'll do a quick recap of the main points...and a pondering on whats making me feel better about the whole thing.

When I went to New York (see I told ya it'd been up there for a while!) I realised I was suddenly very homesick. And not for London either. Driving through Queens in the cab and seeing all the individual little houses, with their yards and distinctly "American" icons (red wagons etc) I was suddenly very homesick for Colorado. And it didn't get any easier with our day trip to Huntingdon which was SO much like Fort Collins it made my heart ache. (Appropriate I was going to Blue October I suppose)

Homesickness is a weird one, I've never had it before I don't think. In my various travels across the states, school holidays, trips with friends, I never found myself missing the familiar like that, and it hurting so much, thinking that it would only ease when back at home. But all of a sudden, here it was, out of the blue.

Roald Dahl had an excellent quote on this:

"Homesickness is a bit like seasickness. You don’t know how awful it is until you get it, and when you do, it hits you right in the top of the stomach and you want to die. The only comfort is that both are instantly curable."

And it didnt stop in New York either. Coming back there were so many random things that would remind me of Colorado. The rare London blue sky, a song on the radio, heck the smell of the wind would often send me flying back to that small town, with the sun on my back and the mountains in my eyeline.

I think it was the mountains I missed most. There was something so oddly comforting about them.

Of course some people could argue that I was missing the people, the person, the freedom or a combination of these things. "How can you be homesick for somewhere that was never 'really' home?" The short answer is I dont know. But I know at one point I even (randomly) considered taking a trip there - not to see anyone but just to be back there. How crazy is that? 

So there was a whole lot more emotion and stuff I wanted to say tied up in this post, but weirdly, almost as strongly as it came stopped. One day I suddenly realised it was just a place with a lot of good memories that I am sad to know I will not likely go back to, but that's it.

I'm not quite sure where. I have a funny feeling it was somewhere around the time I heard about the awful forest fires raging through the foothills of the town. It was awful and tragic and I was concerned for those I know living there, but at the same was ok. Maybe that was just a coincidence that the timing of that fitted in with something else....

Fort Collins, I love you. I found you quaint, comforting, historical, amusing, beautiful, breathtaking and most of all...home. For a short period in my life, you were a new place in the world, that I could honestly feel safe to come back to - even when so far away from so much of what I knew and loved. It pained me each time I left, but never more so than the last time, knowing I would likely never see those mountains again. Thank you for being there for me, and for hosting a multitude of memories.

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