I'm finding (and perhaps this is just me) that as I get older, things change so much the faster though. In the last 5 years for example things have changed so constantly, so quickly and so many times over that it makes my head spin just thinking about it.
And what has got me onto this train of thought? Hearing news of old friends and then being prompted to look back at old photos. Photos of friendships that at the time were the biggest reliable constant I have ever had outside of my family. And I find myself getting very nostalgic and sad looking at them. I think at a time of so much change in my life...at a time where I am coming out of a total....sandstorm of change and landing somewhere very different from where I thought I would be right now, I cast my mind back to when times were "simple". And for that I almost have to chastise myself a little. Remind myself about this post that I wrote in a moment of inspiration. I guess it doesn't help knowing that that's where I should've been right now too.
But the thing is it WAS simple then. Maybe what makes me sad right now is that my current perception of that group of people is that their lives are still...very much the same. Moved on sure, little bit older, little bit wider, but nonetheless all very similar (to an "outsiders eyes" at least) to 4 or 5 years ago.
I keep telling myself that life goes on, things change, and often even when its scary change leads to new and exciting things. But I tell you, I am a creature of habit. Right now there are too many things that are "new and exciting" (read as "difficult and scary") and what I wouldn't give for some familiarity and a flash back to being a carefree teenager where my biggest problems were "does he like me/does he not?"
No wait....got that thrown in too right now for good measure. To be honest, that's all part of the "new/difficult/exciting/scary aforementioned issues....scrap that for an idea then. Perhaps back to a time when that was at least my ONLY if not biggest problem. Despite what my angsty teenage mind would often concoct!
Please don't get me wrong. This is not an equally angsty "woe is me" pity party post. Instead just a reflection on a slight sadness that there is so much changing, so much going on and all I want is for a few carefree days just hanging out on Wanstead Flats gossiping and kicking a football around.
It doesn't help that some of my closest friends are so many thousands of miles away, and also have so much to contend with at the moment. I think we would all kill for a few days in the sunshine acting like 15year olds. Hell screw that, a few days away from all adult responsibilities eating ice-cream but also drinking cocktails because we're adults now and can do that!
I suppose I really do sound like an ungrateful brat because I have SO many wonderful friends right here, friends that I see and talk to often and love beyond belief. Friends that in the "grand scheme" are pretty new but are valued so much the more for it. Anyone ever notice how its really hard to make new friends as an adult? Its just with all this "grown up crap" that we all have to contend with there is a very limited time for carefree hours spent doing absolutely nothing, and talking about nothing of importance.
I'd like to end on an especially poignnt or thoughtful note....but I got nothing. So instead I shall leave you with this...
What's better than a cat purring contentedly on your lap? Two of them :)
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Let me know what you think of this ramble :)